Pregnant? Think Twice About The Birth

Did you know that how your baby is born can have a significant effect on her emotional and psychological makeup as an adult? Everything she registers and feels during her initial entry into the world will be memorised and can influence the rest of her life. Elena Tonetti, an advocate of conscious birth, refers to this as “limbic imprint”. Leslie Temple-Thurston, a teacher of enlightenment, refers to this as “negative or positive imprinting”. The greater the birth trauma, especially through unnecessary or even necessary intervention, the greater the negative birth imprint.

Babies are extremely sensitive, and those born to intervention and rough handling can find the experience extremely shocking and abusive, even if birth attendees consider the handling normal (Leslie Temple-Thurston). While babies may forget their ordeal in the hours and days that follow, the memory of the experience is held deep within them and doesn’t spontaneously go away. Unless babies are helped to release the stress of this imprinting (Aletha Solter, The Aware Baby), it (stress and imprinting) stays with them for the rest of their lives whether they are conscious of it or not. This is because during birth the limbic system registers all of the sensations and emotions around the experience of birth, and the memory of it lives in the body for the rest of our lives whether we are conscious of this or not.

Elena Tonetti says that “if our first impressions of being in the body are anything less than loving ([violating], painful, frightening, lonely...) then that “anything” imprints as a valid experience of love. It is immediately coded into our nervous system as a “comfort zone”, acting as a surrogate for the love and nurturing [that we expect to receive], regardless of how painful, frustrating and undesirable it actually was. And in the future, as adults, we will unconsciously, automatically recreate the conditions that were imprinted [into us] at birth and through our early childhood” (The Limbic Imprint by Elena Tonetti).

If birth trauma is extreme, a baby’s first experience of life will feel like he has entered a dangerous and violent world (Leslie Temple-Thurston). Chances are good that the psychological conditioning he receives, because of his experience at birth, will also be extreme. Abuse and trauma at birth imprints a baby with tremendous shock and fear (Leslie Temple-Thurston). If a baby feels disempowered or victimised at birth, either through rough handling by less than sensitive birth attendees, or as a result of mechanical intervention, he will unconsciously try to recreate this experience in later life either by becoming a perpetrator of abuse himself, or by allowing others to abuse him. A large body of evidence exists to show that complications during delivery are associated with physical conditions and behavioural disorders in later life. Birth trauma has been shown to be associated with a range of problems including addictions, poor problem-solving skills, short attention span, low self-esteem, inability to be empathetic and responsible and a host of physical health problems (www.birthpsychology.com).

So how we birth our babies clearly has a considerable influence on the kinds of people they become and has a lasting impact on how they will function in the world. This isn’t something to be taken lightly. How many of us spend time considering the possible emotional and behavioural effects that birth can have on our children’s lives? Unfortunately we live in a culture where the emotional and psychological impact of the birth experience on a baby is not taken seriously or really even understood. Birth is usually regarded as a physical, medical experience (often emergency), and the instinctive, natural and spiritual component is seriously disregarded. As a result many women feel let down by their birth experiences, and some even go as far as enduring traumatic births, often unnecessarily, and suffer consequent post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) long after the birth (Birth Trauma Association, www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk).

Birthing a baby is not “routine procedure” – it is a completely unique and sacred moment in time. It is possible to have a natural, gentle, healthy and positive birthing experience, and if you are expecting a baby I would say that you are entitled to it. In most cases in this day and age, a gentle, natural birth requires disciplined preparation and is not usually handed to us on a plate. In fact, entering a birthing field consciously (fully present, aware and unmedicated) requires serious mental and emotional preparation. And contrary to popular belief, with proper guidance and support this is possible for a considerable number of expecting couples. In most cases, both mums and dads need to be mentally and emotionally prepared for the birth of their babies in order for the birth experience to be a healthy, gentle and positive one. According to Elena Tonetti, many delivery complications are the direct result of family psychological problems that have not been resolved. She suggests that it is crucial to the quality of the birthing experience that these dramas are dealt with before the due date (www.birthintobeing.com).

With adequate preparation we as parents have the opportunity to soften the birthing experience for our babies and help them enter the world with a more favourable first imprint. With proper preparation we can have gentle birth experiences and control to an extent how their nervous systems will be limbically imprinted. In many cases traumatic births can be avoided if the necessary mental and emotional preparation has taken place.

When we decide to have children, we enter a sacred contract with them agreeing to be custodians of their emotional well-being. It is of paramount importance to the future emotional health of our children that we begin this responsibility right at the beginning – at that pivotal point of entry into the world. Because when a baby is born gently into a loving environment, the shock and fear factor is greatly reduced, and this softer imprint stays with her for the rest of her life.

Happy Birthing!

10 Steps to the Ideal Birth Environment

This weekend I taught the Nottingham one day hypnobirthing class in a venue that I've only taught in a couple of times, and a long time ago. Even though the environment was lovely and I'd taught there before it was a little unfamiliar to me. So I prepared a little bit more before the day, phoned up and checked that everything was there that I needed, only to find that there was a birthday party scheduled to take place the same day! But it wasn't my home it was someone else's and I had to go with the flow. To be honest it made me feel a little anxious, what about the noise? How would I time all the relaxation work?

To minimise stress I packed the car the night before, so I could just get up and drive to the Nottingham hypnobirthing class early and familiarise myself with the layout; which I did, and managed to set it all up and take some time out to focus before the class started to arrive. It turned out that the birthday party was fine, there wasn't too much noise and the day ran smoothly. However, I have no doubt that this is because I prepared so well beforehand and made sure that I had everything that I needed to help things run as smoothly as possible, even in an environment that is unfamiliar.

Birth is not dissimilar, environment is really important, being surrounded by familiar things, knowing you have everything you need allows the birthing mother to completely switch off and focus on what she will be doing best – birthing baby.

One of the things we spent a lot of time on in this antenatal class is about how to get your birth environment right. What do I mean by right? Isn't it ok to just roll up and give birth wherever? Theoretically yes, but from a psychological perspective a woman birthing needs to be an environment where she feels completely safe and secure, a place that is above all private. A place where she is uninterrupted, where she is able to focus on birthing the baby, not distracted by unfamiliar noises or smells or people coming and going.

All women have three choices on where to give birth, home, hospital or birthing centre. Every woman has a right to one of these choices. In our classes we spend a good amount of time talking about the pros and cons of each environment and how a mother can create the perfect environment for birth.Did you know that you can pick any place you wish? Some women we teach would rather drive 30/40 minutes from Nottingham to Darley Dale, Grantham or Melton, to give birth at a birthing centre.

Why is the birth environment important? Being in a birth environment that is familiar mitigates stress, and increases a sense of belonging, a sense of security. It's not just that the environment is familiar , but that the environment is right for the purpose intended.

Birth is a very private event, the most important hormone for birth, Oxytocin, is secreted during birth and stimlates the production of the body's natural analgesia. It's the same hormone that makes an appearance during sex. Oxytocin is a shy hormone and just as a woman needs to feel private, secure and safe for sex, she needs to feel unobserved, safe and secure during birth. If there is anything that threatens a women at all during birth she produces adrenaline which reduces the amount of Oxytocin. the hormone that stimulates the production of the body's natural analgesia.

These 'threats' can be as minor as a door opening into the room, the light being switched on, a loud noise from another room nearby, the smell of anesthetic in the hospital or even the possiblity of having an injection. These can all stimulate the threat system and slow things down.

Making the birth environment as conducive to birth as possible is hugely important and can often be the key to a good birth.

Home may be the most familiar secure environment for many women and it is true statistically that if you are low risk and choose to give birth at home you are at lower risk of intervention. However, for many reasons women choose to give birth in hospital, and although it's harder it is still possible to create a comfortable and secure birthing environment.

Here are our ten steps to creating your best birthing environment:

• If going into hospital try and get a tour of the unit beforehand, or at the very least familiarize yourself with the route and the reception area. This will reduce any unconscious anxiety on the day.
• Make sure that the lights are dimmed and low. Think about the type of environment you would like to sleep in and try and emulate that.
• Ask for fewer interruptions. Ideally on your birth plan give permission to the midwives upfront to listen to the baby with a Doppler whenever they need to, that way you won't be interrupted for permission every 15/20 minutes - if you are using deep relaxation techniques this is very important.
• Take your own pillow in. Not only will the scent on the pillow remind you of your bed, a safe secure place and trigger a deep sense of calm in your mind and in your body, but on a practical note pillows are hard to come by in maternity units!
• Have some relaxation music, or our CD to help you relax.
• Use aromatherapy oils (many hospitals now offer this service)
• Make sure that your birthing partner and you have discussed your options for birth beforehand so you are confident that he/she can advocate on your behalf and that he/she understands and feels secure in their role as birthing partner.
• Stimulate oxytocin! Take something from a room at home that you love and feel very relaxed in, or a photo that makes you smile and feel happy whenever you look at it. Perhaps a portable DVD player with some comedy films/shows. (remember batteries!)
• Move any clocks or anything related to time from the mother's view and avoid 'clockwatching'. A birthing mother when she is properly in her birthing zone will experience what is known as time distortion. Meaning that she will be unaware of time passing, many women who have used hypnobirthing will think that their labour was much quicker than it really was.
• Keep the room calm, anxiety is contagious and if your birthing partner is anxious you will pick up on that anxiety.

Ten Psychological Tips for Coping with a Newborn Baby

You’ve had so much advice, it’s left you reeling in confusion. Every-one else seems to know exactly what you should do, but this doesn’t really help you to feel in control of the tiredness and emotional changes taking place. Here are some psychological tips to help you through those turbulent early days.

1. Never say “I have done nothing today”. You’ve been there for your baby. You’ve been instantly interruptible (probably a new skill for you), and instantly available for soothing, comfort and nutrition. Research shows that soothing and comfort are as powerful for baby’s well being as food.
2. Never strive to be perfect, always good enough. On a bad day, say to yourself “I was good enough, and that is good enough”.
3. On a good day, capture the moment and bank it in your memory. Remember how special you are, to be a mum (don't try this on a bad day).
4. Gather friends around you – especially ones with little babies too. Any-one else will have forgotten what it’s really like, and it’s the biggest protector against postnatal depression.
5. Never chastise yourself for needing sleep, rest, a break, a night out, a rant, or whatever you need. Find a way to get it, because it will strengthen you and help you be a good enough mum.
6. Being “mindful” is a psychological term which is used to deal with frustration and low mood. It means focusing on what this feels like, now, and moving away from thoughts of later, or tomorrow such as things that need doing. So while you are cuddling your baby, focus on the cuddle, the feel of it, the warmth, the movement as your baby breathes etc. Push away any thoughts of what needs doing and when. Just “be” with the here and now. Practice this for ten minutes each day and you will realize how powerful it is.
7. Prolactin (the mothering hormone) makes you a little more anxious, a little more irritable, and more submissive and loving. So never try to be all giving and all loving – there will have to be some irritability and anxiety thrown in. We’re back to never trying to be perfect!
8. The effects of prolactin, coupled with a striving for perfection may mean that you find it hard to let your partner do his bit with baby. However, if you want him to help you when the baby is older and if you want him to understand why you feel so drained and why the house is in a mess, then start to give him time alone with baby now. How else will he become confident and competent with his baby?
9.
If you begin to feel that you aren’t coping and that you are not okay within yourself, or if others start to tell you so, don’t hesitate to see you GP or Health Visitor, or find a counsellor. Post natal depression passes much quicker with help and support, and no one deserves to feel awful, so why not go and get the support to help yourself through it sooner rather than later.
10.
This isn't a psychological tip for mum, but it is about baby's psychology. While I don't normally advise about what to buy (there isn't really very much that baby needs), I am going to mention the Tummy Tub for your newborn baby. Here's why http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Hnonw1jZDo

The Importance of Being Dad

How can I write a blog this month without mentioning the current series on Channel 4, 'One Born Every Minute'?

I missed the bulk of the first two, as my internet connection is so slow, but after watching the 3^rd I'm grateful to Talk Talk for sparing me the ignominy of some of the husbands that I watched as they 'supported' their wives giving birth.

Watching the 3^rd episode of this programme, I watched aghast as a husband bullied his wife while she was in labour. She was squatting on the floor, while he berated her for wanting a natural birth over a section (she was a VBAC – Vaginal Birth Following Caesarean) and he wanted to know what she was going to do as he didn't want to be there all night. Not to mention the dad who locked his wife in the toilet while she was having a contraction.

It really was a sight to behold and my heart goes out to both the mum and the midwife, Dominique, who was fantastic, calm and encouraging in the face of a real challenge. That the mum achieved a VBAC was I think down to her and the fact that she was caseloading midwife (the same midwife that followed the mother through antenatal care and the birth), giving the mum a sense of stability and familiarity.

However, despite me wanting to the throw my remote control at that dad, I also felt sorry for him, as his reaction to the situation was likely to have been driven by helplessness, fear and lack of knowledge.

My only experience of dads to be and birthing partners are those who choose to come on the course - those that want to understand what is happening so they can respectfully and knowledgeably support their partner. But who also realise that the opportunity to find more is out there, that there are classes that help him to understand what is happening and what he can do to help.

Last year, Michel Odent, a French Obstetrician renowned for his work on normal birth, wrote a provocative article where he categorically stated that men should not be in the birthing room. Lots of debate ensued online, with people agreeing or vehemently opposed- we sit somewhere in the middle and believe that men should be there, but only, if they want to be there and if they are free of anxiety and fear. Let's face it, we've done a 360° turn in the last 40 years, from men down the pub or outside awaiting the news, to being absolutely expected to be in the birthing room – that's a big shift and a big ask of men, who are excluded from the majority of antenatal care, with at the most access to an NHS or NCT class.

So it's no surprise that some men who feel in the dark and disassociated from the pregnancy, and the birth suddenly find themselves into the uniquely intense experience of the birth itself without really knowing how to help. In fact many men on our classes say that the lack of knowledge or understanding of what is going on is what worries them as well as “seeing their partner in pain, and not being able to do anything about it.”

We turn this statement totally on its head in our classes, and teach the dad to be that he too has an important role, more than he might ever imagine, and that the birth can be empowering, and life changing for him as well. We also give them knowledge and techniques to support mum so he does know what to do.

We address the issue of fear in the birthing partner and enable couples to see that fear and anxiety are contagious. If dad is pacing up and down, biting his nails, or is restless it demonstrates to the mum that he is outwardly anxious, but there are also small ideomotor signals, small unconscious movements and gestures, driven by the subconscious, that the birthing mother can pick up subconsciously which can effect her birth.

We help the dad to make positive shifts in his confidence and belief that his wife or partner knows what to do instinctively and that she doesn't need rescuing from the situation. Most importantly he knows what is happening, why is is happening and what to do about it.

Remember always that at the birth, it's not just a baby being born, but a mother and a father too. Come on dads, do your bit, learn how to support your partner, and give her a strong shoulder to lean on physically and spiritually during birth and perhaps you'll find hidden depths that you never knew you had.

So Who's the Professional Here?

This months blog is courtesy of one of my recent clients, a couple were constantly coming up with great ideas to support the birth that they wanted. Thanks for letting me use this for the blog!

We have talked a lot about the law of attraction and the importance of a women trusting in her instincts about how and where she wants to birth. In one of their sessions, this mum to be mentioned that she had been fending off comments from colleagues at work who questioned her choices about the homebirth she wished to have by telling her "you need to be where it's safe", "in a hospital surrounded by professionals." She turned to them and said" But I am a professional"!

Brilliant. And of course she's right. Women are 100% qualified for the job of giving birth! A woman giving birth, can tune into her body, is able to instinctively move to help her baby's journey and will often know what she or the baby needs. Just listening to that inner voice, the subconscious, allows the mother to let go consciously and for instinct to take over.

Control is often an issue that come up in classes when we talk about letting go, but it's not about losing control. There is no doubt that people come to our classes because they want to feel in control, it's obvious to us that there is a real issue around losing control, whether it's the birthing mother thinking that she will lose control of herself or either the mother or her partner's fear of losing control to medical teams over the course of the birth.

This is interesting to us, because it demonstrates the sense of threat that is triggered by the instinctive need to be in control, to be alert, armed and aware. This threat is actually the one thing that really can inhibit the process of birth as it keeps the conscious mind, engaged and alert when really it should be slumbering. It's also a response that is triggered by the need to protect the baby and suggests "If I am not in control of the situation how can I protect my baby".

What our classes teach you is how to become more consciously aware of what those threats are prior to the birth and to build the confidence of you and your birthing partner. They also teach that control is paradoxically about allowing yourself to let go. Every woman in the birthing room chooses whether she can give herself over the birthing body, but when she does give herself over to the birthing body, who is in control? Yes, she is of course!

Trusting that the subconscious contains everything you need to birth gently, and that the conscious mind, the logical mind, has been allowed to just drift off for a while is about feeling secure in your knowledge of the birth process and the belief that you know how to birth.

Remember, every woman births differently and you are the absolute professional when it comes to your birth!

Peace on Earth Begins with Birth

"When I was pregnant, I knew I trusted nature’s way, and that I didn’t want drugs or intervention. Our classes are designed to help you if you feel the same way. However, myself and a lot of “my” mums do accept Syntometrine – the injection that comes after baby is born to help the placenta come out nice and quickly. After your baby has been born, you’re on such a high and relieved, that you don’t care. And I remember thinking “well, baby isn’t getting any of it, so what the heck”.

When people ask my advice about taking Syntometrine, I usually sit on the fence, because there isn’t the research out there to support any views that I might have on it. Until now. There was one time however, when a mum looked at me just after she had had her baby, and said “shall I just have it?” I said “you have done so amazingly, doing this completely naturally, do you really want a drug now?” in a kind of “are you crazy” tone of voice. She declined. I surprised myself – I don’t usually throw my opinion on my clients. I guide and help them make their own decision. But I knew this woman – she had worked so hard, with such grace and determination, that I simply knew it wasn’t the right choice for her.

In class, I sometimes say that if you have birthed your baby completely naturally, why not go the whole hog, and stay natural? I also sometimes say that IN THEORY it could affect your oxytocin levels – but there is no research out there to support that. Until now.

Research has now come out of the Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology to suggest that Syntometrine might impact on breastfeeding rates 48 hours after birth. This makes so much sense. If you inject synthetic oxytocin into your system, your brain registers its presence, and tones down the amount that it generates naturally. As you know if you have come to our classes, natural oxytocin is the love hormone – important for bonding and breastfeeding. Synthetic oxytocin doesn’t cross the blood brain barrier, and so all it does is help the uterus clamp down.

So, as time goes on, and as research monies are used to assess nature over intervention, it seems to me that nature wins every single time. Nature really is amazing. So what I don’t get, as a psychologist, is why almost every culture intervenes? What is that about? Why have we got such a determination as a culture to get in there and make a mess of what nature does so beautifully? Are there any benefits of this, that have evolved over time? Michel Odent is the only person I know to even ask this (apart from some feminists maybe) and he has a fascinating suggestion. He argues that interrupting the process of birth creates a more aggressive society. You “imprint” individuation and aggression on the brain, in place of trust, cohesion and love. So, the cultures which interrupt nature’s way on a regular basis, create better human machines for ambition, drive and warfare. Cultures which don’t interrupt nature’s way create cohesive, loving, trusting groups that may get overturned like dodos did. My children are studying vikings at school. I would love to know how the Vikings birthed their children. One day, I might get time to find out more about it! In the meantime, have a wonderful, peaceful Christmas, knowing that we can trust nature to keep us all peaceful and loving!

Take a look: www.mindfulmamma.co.uk

Facebook page: http://tinyurl.com/mindfulmamma

The cyle of life and normal birth

Last Friday, Sophie and I met with a group of midwives once again to spend a day teaching and talking about normal birth (which is midwife lingo for natural birth). What exactly counts as a natural birth varies a great deal.

Here at Mindful Mamma we like to consider it as a vaginal, drug free, no intervention birth, and most of our parents come to classes wanting exactly that. We asked the midwives how many of their clients have a natural birth, using our criteria. They said they had no idea – but less than 10%, if not closer to 3%.

They don’t often see that, even though they work on a normal birth unit, with very good outcome statistics. Sophie and I were surprised, because we hear about it all the time in the feedback we get from the couples who do our classes and I see it all the time in my work as a doula. However, the point is that we are all aiming for the same things, and it is lovely that the changes which Mindful Mamma would like to see in childbirth (less intervention, more empowered parents) are the same as those which midwives in the NHS want to see, and, of course, what you – the couples on our classes want to see too.

Most of you come to our classes needing to release your fears around birth, and to learn to trust the whole process. Some of you come to class needing to release your fears around birthing within the NHS, and learn to trust the procedures and trust the staff. It’s lovely that in our work, we can increasingly help you to release your fears about birthing within the NHS, because there are indeed, a lot of fabulous midwives out there, who are working within a system which increasingly enables and supports you in your choice of a normal, natural, birth.

While we mourn the losses and endings with our silences and poppies on Remembrance Sunday, it is nice to give thanks to our country for helping with the beginnings, focussing on helping babies to be born as nature intended, finally, after over 500 years.